Today's Fashion

Mood: meh
Listening to: Rune Factory 3 ambient sounds ( my sister is playing)
I am: cursing my metabolism


So today, I took my sister and her friend to the mall for lunch. we walked around a bit and they wanted to go look in clothing stores, OBVIOUSLY! that's what a mall is FOR!
But whenever we enter these stylish stores, I get really quiet and feel out of place. why? Becasue of my figure. I'm supposebly an hourglass figure, but I'm definatly NOT SEXY! Recently, I've really wanted to step it up with my fashion sense and own lots of cute clothes! But that's hard considering;

1.- the style I desire isn't a very popular style in sotres around here

2.- Hardly anyhting fits the way I want it to.

It's, really, REALLY depressing when I finally find somehting that I like, but I can't even get it on without a stuggle. SO, going into stylish and chic shops always amkes me.. a little meloncholy...

So today I actually decided to try stuff on instead of moping. I found this cute, soft, top. I knew I wasn't going to buy it but I wanted to see how it would look none the less!

shopping sad
It was really cute and ruffly! but tonned down enough to look normal in public!
SO I went to try it on, which wasn't any struggle at all (it was a large, obvously) and...






well.....

this happened

shopping sad 2


...


FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T LIKE SPAGETTI STRAPS! I HATE MY FAT ARMS! AREN'T ONLY OLDER WOMEN IN LIKE THEIR 40'S SUPPOSED TO HAVE FLABBY ARMS!? I'M ONLY 18 AND I'VE HAD THEM SINCE I COULD REMEMBER!

SECOND OF ALL, I LOOKED REALLY WIDE IN THAT! I DIDN'T LIKE THAT AT ALL!
BUT IT'S NOT LIKE ANYONE WOULD FRIGGN' NOTICE THOSE THING BEYOND MY MONSTER-SIZED BREASTS!

whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhyWHY ARE BREASTS CONSIDERED A SEXY PART OF THE HUMAN BODY!? THEY ARE LUMPS OF UN-NEEDED FAT HANGING OFF OUR CHESTS, FORBIDDING US TO RUN LONG DISTANCES! (in my case at least)

I COULDN'T FIT IN A SHIRT TODAY BECAUSE I COULDN'T GET IT PASSED ME CHEST OR MY HIPS!

and afterwards, I bumped into a friend. she said I looked great and asked if I had lost weight. Whenever I hear someone ask me "have you lost weight?" or say "you've slimmed down!" I can't help but think How much of a fat lard did I used to look like, if THIS (refering to self) LOOKS SLIMMER!?

*sigh* and I felt terible at myslef since I wanted to go to the mall TO EAT! ( I had a spicey udon soup, but left most of the noodles, those have too much carbs and sodium. AND MADE MYSELF EAT ALL THE VEGGIES!)

So yeah, sorry for this fat-girl rant. I hope I didn't lower my image of me to you guys. I either need to like, live at a gym and never stop moving, or just come to terms that my body will probably never change.

ALL I REALLY WANT IS A FEW INCHES OF MY BELLY! THAT'S IT! I DON'T WANT TO BE SUPER THIN OR ANYTHING! I JUST WANT CLOTHES TO LOOK NICE ON ME! Q-Q I'm super used to not attracting boys and stuff like that, but I at least deserve to be happy with my own clothes...



right?

Youtube

I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT!

WHAT THE HECK IS WITH THE NEW NAVOGATION!? FIRST THE CHANNELS ARE ALL MESSED UP, AND NOW THE FORMAT OF THE WHOLE SITE IS WEIRD AND CONFUSING!



WITHOUT ANY DANGED WARNING!!!!!!

I'm not very impressed at this moment.

ah man

do you ever get the feeling...

that you are REALLY bugging someone, but they don't bother to tell you because they don't want to hurt your feelings?

Then you feel really stupid because you don't want to be that pitty friend that everyone invites so they don't have to feel akward telling you they don't want chu there?


ain't that the worst feeling ever? kyuuuu~ It ust suck to be a pitty-friend....

I also hate it, when you think you know someone TOTALLY, then no matter what you say or do, one day they just turn into a COMPLETE enigma! like you don't even know them and are starting fresh! it's so weird! I don't understand people in this country at all!

maybe it has something to do with my sheltered upbringing....


~~~~~

anyways, putting that aside, I have a TON of assignments comming in CONSTANTLY and I reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaly don't like it. I mean, I used to have all the time in the world until a few months ago.... *sigh* getting older definatly sucks.... I don't have time to do what I want anymore....so I wonder why all these 8 years olds (and up) want to grow up so fast!? like, seriously, who at 8 remembers loving rap music, or surfing the web? I DON'T! kids DON'T NEED iPods, or cellphones, MP3 players or advanced game systems! Parent's are so stupid nowadays. "but he wants it" they say. HONESTLY!? just because the 9 year old wants a potrtable $200 dollar gaming system which really only plays gore and M rated game titles, YOU ARE GOING TO PURCHASE THAT FOR HIM/HER!? (i don't discriminate)

All I wanted to do when I was 8 was set up pretty displays with my barbie food kit~ draw and make models out of clay. I WAS OCCUPIED FOR HOURSSSSSSSS!

but yeah, (man this is a long entry... and boring too, no wonder no one reads my blog ha ha ha ha ha) I'm too much of a laid-back procrastinator... my motto is "things will work out" which I'm thinking is not very good....

man, I hope future me is smart enough to get it together... ( I love how I treat myself in the future as a sepreate entity to myself....)

here's a fun picture to make my blog look more appealing~

crazy red
that's right, let it sink in...

Potatoes hate me ;_;

even the fake ones.
I love potatoes! especially mashed potatoes!

but since last christmas, I have had a strang reaction to them...
My throat feels clogged up and I am prone to feeling a tight pain.

>m< AND THEY WERE THE FAKE BOX POTATOES! I THOUGHT I WAS SAFE!

;_;

oh! my dogie is in heat so we rented her a boyfriend......but he's too short... I hope she can still get preggie.

AH! today we went on this Spiritual retreat. ^ ^ It was a nice getaway form school and it allowed me another day to finish an assignment I had forgotten about on the weekend....

buuuuuut.... I accidentally fell asleep on the floor during a meditation and forgot where I was. I was surprised to hear my friends' voice when I woke up becasue we live in separate houses....

man, I wish I lived In a drom with my friends..... even for a little while. It would be so fun <3

I would so totally be the cook.

doggie days

Life goes by, slowly for me~
I've been determind to learn ActionScript for the idea of making games in flash has peaked my interest.

which I should be able to master considering I have so much free time, considering my friends never ask me to hang out. which leads me to believe that I am very boring ( which I hope I'm not ^ ^;)

It would be so nice to just once be complimented by a boy~ *sigh* oh the dreams of a docile girl.

on a less depressing note, I bought some fabric today! and finished a flash game (simple dress up) I had been working on for some time! ^ ^ that made me happy. I just realized it doesn
't take much to make me happy. someone dear to me said " I hoped it was you" in a conversation we had. that made me so happy all over! ^///^

the most important thing in the world is love. remember that.


PS: Do you think it's selfish to want to be better liked by those you are fond of? is it wrong to think down of yourself when someone just like you is loved more?